"Oh, BEAUTIFUL! Look at this! A whole fucking room full of people who can't wait to pay thousands of dollars to be MISERABLE somewhere else!

You know what vacations are? They're a SCAM . A brilliant fucking scam where you PAY to experience all the same disappointments you have at home, but with SAND in your ass and a language barrier!

Think about it - you work your ASS off for 50 weeks a year at a job you hate, saving up money you don't have, so you can spend two weeks pretending you're happy on some overcrowded beach with a thousand other miserable fucks who had the EXACT same 'original' idea!

Yeah, real fucking original. You and three million other walking credit cards.

And what do you DO on these vacations? You take PICTURES! Thousands of fucking pictures of shit that already has BETTER pictures on the internet! 'Here's me in front of the Eiffel Tower!' Yeah? So fucking what? There's 80 million pictures of assholes in front of the Eiffel Tower! You're not special! You're tourist number 4,286,953!

But here's the REAL joke - you're not traveling to 'find yourself' or 'experience other cultures.' You're running AWAY from the miserable life you've created! You think two weeks in the Bahamas is gonna fix your shitty marriage? Your dead-end job? Your existential dread?

NEWS FLASH: Wherever you go, there YOU are! Your problems have PASSPORTS too, motherfuckers!

Look at these posters - 'Escape to Paradise!' Escape from WHAT? From the life YOU chose? From the decisions YOU made? You can't escape from yourself by getting on a fucking plane!

And don't get me started on 'all-inclusive resorts.' You fly 3,000 miles to eat the same shitty buffet food you could get at a Golden Corral, surrounded by the same assholes you were trying to get away from, except now they're SUNBURNED!

You want a REAL vacation? Stay home. Take the money you were gonna blow on this bullshit, put it in the bank, tell your boss to fuck off for two weeks, and actually THINK about why you're so desperate to be anywhere but where you are.

But no, no, no - you're gonna go ahead and book that trip. You're gonna max out that credit card, take those stupid pictures, buy those useless souvenirs, and come back MORE exhausted than when you left. And in six months, you'll be right back here, planning the NEXT escape from the prison you call your life!

Bon voyage, you magnificent idiots! Don't forget to buy the overpriced airport food and argue with your spouse about directions in a rental car! That's what memories are MADE of!